Huge changes have happened in our lives lately. And they were all for the better. I am not going to get into a lot of details about what led up to this. But I will just give miniamal back ground….
I have had a crazy life up until now…..emotionally and physically abusive mom, for my whole life, my dad was a drunk until I was 17, so he was absent my whole life. I have always felt like I was born into a place I did not belong…..I was nothing like my parents, or my family…..black sheep I guess….which is ok cause black on is super slimming 😉
Last week I wrote my mom a very heart felt letter about all the things she did in my life to hurt me, and followed it up with all the things I was grateful for. I called her and read her the letter on the phone. With not much of a reponse, and as soon as I got done reading she said she had to go make dinner. She said she would call me back. I called her Monday….here we are one week later and still….no phone call……I decided last Tuesday that if I did not hear from her by Sunday….I was putting this all to bed, and being done with it all.
Saturday night was full of feeling come out of my King, about his frustrations with the way all this effects my life, he felt hurt, and betrayed, and disconnected. He felt like I look for the bad things in life…..that I seek them out. And he is right….my whole life has been chaos and just so much negative. And that is pretty much all I know….even though I try to be as positive and up beat as possible, I am in a constant battle with my heart and my head….my heart is all I want to be, all I have ever wanted to be…..and my head is all the crap that I have been loaded down with in my life. I feel like everyday my heart is fighting with my head. And how I want my heart to win!! I want nothing more than for my heart to win.
As of yesterday (sunday, my deadline) my heart won!! I am a very creative person and I feel like my emotions best come out in my writing and in art. Three years ago I started a book that had all the hurtful things In my life that I wanted to get rid of….so yesterday was the day…..the big day of letting things go, and becoming the best version of ME!!
So yesterday, my King took me to this park that we love to go too with the kids, and we found a grill…….and I burned the book….I feel like it was the best way that I could let go. I have been so ready to let go, and I NEEDED to do that. I could have never gotten to this point if my King would not have been by my side. I could have never been so brutally honest if he hadn’t been so brutally honest with me. I needed that!! I needed his love and support. I needed my King by my side. So WE set fire to that damn book….and all those memories and all that hurt.
Now I can move forward, move forward with being me!! Move forward with being the BEST mom I can be to our 7 children, and move forward with being the BEST wife and submissive to my King! Because out of all the things I have ever wanted in life…..I want those three things. I want to be the best version of myself, and with my King and our children by my side I know I can accomplish anything!!!
My King is everything I have ever wanted in a partner in life, he is supportive and loving and kind and understanding and patient…..I need him in my life….he is what I have always wanted!! I feel on top of the world….I feel so much lighter after letting go of all that. Now the only way to go is forward, cause I will NEVER go back…..my life is FULL of the ppl that I want in my life!! And I am perfectly happy with those 8 ppl. And I would be completely happy if it was only those 8 ppl for the rest of my life!!
To my King: Thank you my love! THANK YOU!! You have saved me in everyway possible. Thank you for being my guide my voice of reason and thank you most of all for putting that mirror in front of me. I am nothing without you, my best friend, my husband, my King!! Thank you for being the BEST Dad and the best husband that we could ask for! Thank you for always putting your best foot forward, and for ALWAYS trying. Thank you for never giving up on me…..no matter how rocky it got, my King held his ground and saved his Queen. I love you with all my heart, body, and soul. I belong to you! I am so lucky to be your queen! Thank you my King! Thank you!!!
It’s good to be queen!