So I have a secret that I have held to myself for 26 years……and this comes into my life every now and then…..and every time I do the same thing. I am not a liar….except about this. I will lie and be very sneaky at getting away with this. But I will not lie to my king. I do not want to lie to my King.
So yesterday I told him, that my secret shame is creeping back into my life….full force.
I am not ready to share with the world what this is……it was hard enough sharing it with my King.
The look on his face killed me. I knew I was hurting him with what I was telling him. I could see the disappointment. I could see the sadness that came over his face. I felt horrible. But of course he said he will always support me no matter what it is. So yesterday was a tough day. For me and for my King.
But he was helpful and caring and loving like he always is…..and he is going to help me get through this. He is going to guide me through this very very hard time that is here right now. And I appreciate that. Because I need him. I do not want to be like this, I do not want to do this. That is why I told him…..because with him I NEVER have to stand alone. He always has my back.
This is not going to be easy….this is the one part of my life that I have always had full control over……and now I am giving it to him, it is hard cause I have always done this my way….this is my thing…..but this is not healthy for me…..it is not good for me….and I know that. So I will let him take it……and I am sure at some point I might fight it along the way….maybe even kicking and screaming. But I will listen to him…..I will do what he says, because I know he loves me and wants the best for me.
I wish I could say what it was……cause I know there are other ppl that fight this same battle……but it took so much courage to tell him. I don’t have enough left in me to say it here.
My King, my Husband will help me through this…..I know I will be ok….because he will make sure of it!!
It’s good to be queen.